Facebook, Entitlement and Public Shaming

So… a couple weeks ago… right as I was celebrating the birth of my first grandchild, I was reminded of the excessive amount of entitlement that some people have in regards to being a member of a Facebook group.

I stewed on it and posted screenshots as a method of deterrent and I have to admit – it’s been very effective.

Public shaming is effective because it not only made me feel better (my primary objective), it stemmed the tide of further assholery that is often unleashed when TRAs speak our minds and stand up for ourselves.

I haven’t had to deal with anyone’s nonsense since then. Although, I am confident that entitlement will tear it’s ugly head again and I will have to put the next person on blast while simultaneously wondering “why???? Don’t they know about me?”, I still just want to stop having this conversation.

Ok… I won’t lie, it sometimes does tickle me when people try me. When they act like they thought they were somehow exempt from my ire. It amuses me at times that people who are strangers to me somehow think they can intrude on my day with their feelings and not expect a “fuck your feelings” from me.

Because as nice as I can be is as mean as I can be.

I am under no contract with anyone to act a certain way toward them.

Especially in a group where they are the MEMBER and I am the admin/creator.

Which leads me to entitlement. I am often astounded by the level of entitlement that members of some groups have. That to some of them, they feel that being a member of a group gives them a voice to have an opinion on how the group is run, what is posted and what is talked about. A free group….. that people volunteer their time for.

And why it always seems like it’s a certain subset of people that act this way, I don’t understand. It’s usually in groups about adoption and it’s usually APs that act this way.

They somehow feel that they are entitled to tell POC and adoptees that the group “isn’t what they want.”


What’s their point?

Why do they feel the need to do this?

Is everything in the world supposed to be designed to please them?

Don’t answer… I already know the answer….

And it’s ugly.

They truly do.

The people who make these types of statements are generally white patents of child of color- Black and Brown children; children from foster care or from foreign countries.

TRAs to them are an object- something that was purchased for performative value. So we are always expected to please them.

And they expect their “purchase” to be exactly what they wanted (or else).

You see it in rehoming stories. There’s one circulating this week of a young adoptee, ten years old, no special needs, straight A student, adopted AT BIRTH from foster care. Her family is trying to find her a new family… after TEN YEARS… because……

She wants to go to church.

I kid you not.

This is what the Facebook post (yes, FACEBOOK post) says about her. And it’s real and they are serious.

That’s the kind of entitlement that makes APs jump in my inbox demanding attention and answers – about a group that THEY voluntarily entered and could voluntarily leave at any time.

Or start their own group.

But instead they try to dictate to me.

And I do all of this for free. To try to help.

And yet get accused of all manner of things from being “shady” to being “crazy” and so very mean….

All because I try to help, but take no shit.

From anyone… and it doesn’t matter who you are and what you think you’ve done for me, you’re not exempt.

And some people have difficulty with that. And that’s cool. Imma still do me. And they are always welcome to go and find that thing called their business and mind it.

Again… I hope this is my final chapter on AP entitlement, but it’s doubtful… but I still hope they really hear me this time.

About sjwoods318

Mother of six children - five girls and one boy; wife; community organizer, family chauffeur, philosopher, trans-racial adoptee, Deadhead, person of mixed racial heritage, artist, poet, writer who loves to swim, read, and run around with my family.
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