I haven’t blogged much about the fact that I am about to embark upon a new era in my life- being a grandmother. Writing my book has taken up all my spare writing time anyway.
Plus I have really wanted my daughters to tell their own stories from their perspective and I have tried to allow them to enjoy this time while they are growing new life inside them by being as supportive and caring as possible. I am proud of them for choosing what many consider a more difficult path, but they made their decisions and I have supported them 100% now and always.
And my excitement over seeing my first grandchildren is completely unparalleled.
This is the time when God and the Universe decided that my family needs to expand and I embrace that assignment with my whole being.
I am third generation adoptee… this is MY family lineage being continued. We didn’t give away our children. First time in over 100 years. Now THAT’S pretty amazing.
My great grandmother got pregnant with my grandmother at age 16. In the 1920’s. I cannot imagine what she went through. That was not going to be the story here. Trauma and pregnancy ends now for my female line. It ends now forever.
And today I am writing because I am in protective mode. I am speaking out to all women out there who may find themselves in the position that I am in- your teenager is pregnant or had gotten a girl pregnant. I sat on this for a day. Slept on it. And carefully thought about what I want to say. This is specifically directed toward ONE individual in particular, but if you see yourself in her, then maybe you need to hear this too.So here it is:
Don’t be a dick to kids
Do not ever, and I mean EVER come for one of mine. Did Ya hear me? I said…. not ever. That means NEVER.
The person in question might think they got a pass, but nah bruh…. I’m a writer… I have a platform AND an audience and I will expose all your ignorant acts towards my children. All day. Every day.
Let me catch y’all up for those who are confused.Two days ago, I get a message request on FB from a woman named Odessa. I don’t know this woman. But she could possibly be the mother of my future granddaughters’ father.
Tbh… we will never know… unless HE wants to know and pays to have it proven. This boy is whom my daughter said is the daddy and I believe her.
But they don’t.And that’s fine. He’s young and immature and not at all ready to be the type of young man I would have wanted my daughter to date.
And not that I dislike this young man, I don’t know him. She snuck out to be with him.I blame myself for that. I don’t know why she felt she had to sneak. My daughters have all been told that if a boy won’t meet me and their daddy that they aren’t worth going out with. But circumstances in our household created a storm of emotions that she was unable to process and she acted out. And honestly- that’s on me and Tim. And we are accepting responsibility like adults should.
Many of you may not remember, but we only found out about her pregnancy because of a random doctor’s visit to try to combat depression because of the aforementioned household issues.In other words, a sad teenage girl who was missing her mother was using sex as a coping mechanism.
That never happens right?
Ok… so there’s the back story.And bottom line is – there’s a baby girl about to be here- in less than a month. I don’t know the alleged baby daddy or any of his family. The only contact I have ever had with this woman, Odessa, was her sending me the addresses to abortion clinics.
When my daughter decided to parent and when I accepted her decision, I never contacted this woman again. There was no point. Her position was clear. And I don’t knock her for feeling that way. She didn’t ask to be a grandmother and doesn’t accept it, that’s her decision.
And let me be very clear- I am not opposed to abortion- I strongly support a woman’s right to chose and that choice also includes the choice to parent. So I support a woman’s autonomy over her body 100%.
And here’s where it gets tricky. I don’t agree with the state or even a whole bunch of people about making boys pay child support.
This boy and his family have indicated that abortion would be their option and that in my mind absolves them of any responsibility – financial or otherwise. Because they have a choice too and I honor that.
And as the adult in this situation, I am prepared and perfectly capable of helping my daughter raise her child. And she has my husband for a male figure in her life, so she’s gonna be just fine.
Yes, it would be optimal if this were some teenage love story and they were going to try to parent together, but this isn’t the case.
Or it would be more optimal if they were married and had careers and a home but life isn’t always perfect like that.So we roll with what we got.
And while it’s not likely to be the case for quite some time. But I will say this…. our door is ALWAYS open to this young man. If and when he decides to parent – he is welcome to know his child. We would never keep her from him.
But that’s a a BIG “if” and “when.”And also remember, I will protect mine over anyone else… so my daughter and my granddaughter’s safety- both emotional and physical – are my job to ensure and I take my job seriously.
So…. now that this has been said….Here’s what has me blogging about this today-
This woman sent me a message telling me that her son isn’t the baby’s father and they would need a DNA to prove it and would I please tell my daughter to stop making her son feel bad.
Ok…. now y’all know me….How do I feel about ANYONE telling me to do ANYTHING?
I thought- She must not know me…. I’ll cut her some slack and not go off.
So I politely told her that they didn’t have to worry about a DNA test – that it was unnecessary and that my husband and I were perfectly capable of raising our grand daughter. So no worries about a DNA or child support (which, let’s be honest- that’s the issue here). I also told her that I would NOT get involved in teenage drama.
It was a hint to her to stay out of it too – it’s not our place to argue with children over their squabbles.
After I sent this message, I asked my daughter why this woman was in my in box.
And my baby started crying saying that this woman told her that she should’ve kept her legs shut. That she should have had an abortion. Just ignorant ranting.
A fucking grown ass woman told my child this – in her eighth month of pregnancy.
Ok…. so y’all know I had to pray 20 rosaries before I sent a message that simply asked this woman (and now I’m being generous because WOMEN don’t attack children) “why are YOU harassing my daughter?”
She replied that my daughter was “harassing” her and her son. And?????And then blocked me before I could reply.
This is what my reply to her: ( remember- never try to block a writer, we always find a way to disseminate our message) : “You couldn’t just ignore her, you felt compelled to throw a rock at a young and scared and emotional pregnant teenager. Mmmmkay.”
Why she felt compelled to be so ugly about all of this and to be so ugly TO A PREGNANT TEENAGER, I don’t know.
And at this point, I don’t care.
The ties are cut and it will be a frozen ass hell before she intrudes upon my consciousness again.
She doesn’t know me and what I’m about. But I will say this -Don’t make me put you in a jar. That’s real talk.
I had to let it out because it was bothering me for the last couple days and y’all know I wanted to go straight ignant on her…..
This boy has told my daughter “y’all need me before I need you”
Why???? For what???
What does he think he has that this baby won’t have?
I’m not tryna be rude, just real. He’s a teenager. He’s immature. He’s lashing out. I get that. But lash out at the mirror, young man, and not at my daughter. She will never need anyone as long as there is breath in my body. It’s not personal against him. It’s just that this is MY responsibility. My child with my blood and my DNA is not gonna need anything. Ever.Gabi’s Belly Painting – Aurora Rose
Bottom line- the end, I win – I get a beautiful grand daughter and that’s all that’s important here. She is loved and wanted and supported and even if she won’t have a paternal side of the family, she has us.