A Case Study in White Fragility And White Woman Violence

Yesterday morning, my good friend, fellow transracial adoptee blogger of So Life Goes On, Maline Carole, asked me if I was part of a FB group called Hair to ❤ for Multiracial Families.  Which up until that point, I felt I had been.  I had been a silent observer.

After all, I am multi racial.  I have  multi racial children.  Five of them are girls.  So I know a little bit about hair.  And I liked to observe conversations about multi racial hair care.  I have a daughter who wants to do hair, so I like to keep my ear to the ground about what people are looking for as far as hair care.

But because I blog here and I am admin in a couple groups about transracial adoption and I sell tea online and at farmer’s markets and am a mother of six children and all these things keep me very busy, I don’t really like to talk in the hundred of other FB groups that I belong to, I just like to quietly observe.  This is called “lurking.”  And sometimes lurkers get “culled” by admin. in some groups.

And that is fine.  If you are inactive in our one transracial adoption group, you are at risk of being “culled” so I am understanding. That’s how some people run their groups.  Usually if you notice that you’ve been cut, you reapply for admission.

But I got blocked from this Hair to ❤ group, which seemed extreme.

And the funny thing, because I am a passive observer, there, I wouldn’t have even known, except for the fact that my friend Maline had contacted me and asked me about the fact that two of the admin, both white women raising children of color, were still in the transracial adoption group that I admin.  And they were breaking a rule.  They had blocked Maline, who is a moderator there.

Ok, so now, I was curious.

I was curious as to why I had  not only been kicked out, but also blocked.  I was also curious as to why they are still in Transracial Adoption, but were breaking the rules by blocking one of our moderators.  Maybe they didn’t know they were breaking the rules.

So I wanted to give them a chance to correct their error.  It’s only fair, right?

So I made two separate posts and tagged them, I asked both Jennifer D. and Amy A.if they knew that it was against the rules to block a member of the leadership team.

So Jennifer D. decides that she wants to respond to the post for Amy A. – not even the one that she is tagged in to say that she didn’t even know that she was in this group and that we could just go ahead and remove her and block her.

WTF?!

What kind of defensive response is that to a simple request for “did you know you were breaking the rule?”

And who the hell do you think you are as a white women to demand that I, as a Black woman, remove you from anything – are your fingers broken?  Have you forgotten how to click “unfollow”? Do you not know how to manage your own FB groups?  Have aliens taken over your FB page and added you to groups without your knowledge?

I wish that this was the worst it was with this heifer, but it wasn’t.

She went on to block ME and then STAYED in the group as if she had the right to and we actually had to remove her.  OF all the privileged, lazy and entitled bullshit that we have to put up with – this was the ultimate in white woman violence.  Not only did she completely disregard the rules of our group – but apparently without any provocation, deemed me too dangerous for her group, that I was blocked from it without any cause whatsoever, but she decided that she was going to stay in the group that I am an admin of and block ME !  But she is full of advice on how to teach multiracial families about love…

GTFOH……

When are these white bitches gonna realize that I fucking blog????????  And that I have no problems at all with dragging their asses for as long as I want until I feel like I have paid them back for every minute of WWV they have perpetrated against me?

Then the other heifer, Amy A.  comes on to say that she didn’t know that Maline was in the group and that she doesn’t want to talk about it but she will remove herself from Transracial Adoption.  Not that she will unblock Maline or that she wants to learn how to be better or more loving when it comes to being a multiracial family or an adoptive parent.

No, never that.

Just leave.

Take her White Woman Violence and her White Fragility and skulk away and teach people how to be loving Multiracial families.

Oh yeah and teach white people how to do multi racial hair.

Because white women know how to do our stuff so much better than us.

And these two women are oh so loving.

Did I say gtfoh?

Because GTFOH.

I wish that fragile white women would at least be original.

What IS it about this time of the year that I have to drag FWW for their bs?  It is a lunar cycle or something?

Just a word of warning for you two in the future.  Or any of the rest of you that think you might wanna try me.

Don’t.

Don’t ever come for me.  I didn’t come for you.  I don’t even know you and I didn’t want to.   You didn’t need to search someone’s friends list and block me from anything.  I was perfectly happy minding my business.

Do not ever think you can block me and stay in a group that I  admin and DEMAND that I do anything for you.

Bitch, you better recognize that I am NOT your servant.

If you think you represent love, then the people you are teaching need to get a new teacher, because you got a lot to learn before you can teach ANYTHING about love.

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About sjwoods318

Mother of six children - five girls and one boy; wife; community organizer, family chauffeur, philosopher, trans-racial adoptee, Deadhead, person of mixed racial heritage, artist, poet, writer who loves to swim, read, and run around with my family.
This entry was posted in Biography. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A Case Study in White Fragility And White Woman Violence

  1. Kristin says:

    It never ends, does it Sara. I am appalled, but not surprised, about the lack of respect you are shown. Hugs to you, and Maline, too. You are 2 of my favorite voices in our group, and I am grateful to have you in my life.❤

  2. WOW! I’m constantly amazed at how white fragility and privilege shows up.

  3. Anita says:

    Wow, that’s crazy. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Why do they have to block people anyway when they remove them from their group? I manage a few small groups, I don’t get that part. It’s not like they are removing you for some gross negligence, it’s was just for not participating, right? Bizarre. They obviously don’t have a clue how to manage a Facebook group.

  4. Anita Street says:

    Wow, that’s crazy. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Why do they have to block people anyway when they remove them from their group? I manage a few small groups, I don’t get that part. It’s not like they are removing you for some gross negligence, it’s was just for not participating, right? Bizarre. They obviously don’t have a clue how to manage a Facebook group.

  5. Nothing surprises me in these spaces anymore. A friend and I were talking earlier today about feeling like talking about adoption with white folks feels like tripping into an in-group conversation that doesn’t include you. You can raise a question and they will respond to your question by tagging Becky. I have to drop in and out of FB ‘support’ groups because they are generally hazardous to my emotional health. I got enough drama raising my kid who survived trauma. smh. Hang in there!

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