I remember when I became numb to news like what came out last night and then again today. It seems like it never ends.
I had my fill about two years ago; I am now at way over capacity and don’t even know how to process anymore.
Living in this world, I am not even going to say this country, because this world seems so filled with hatred. It seems that people are hell – bent. Not even hell bent on anything particular; they are just hell bent.
I believe that a lot of people have just simply given up. I know I have had my days where I check out of the world and cannot cope.
Looks what’s going on around us. I know that the 24 hour news cycle makes the world seem more violent, but human beings were pretty violent throughout history and there was no cell phones recording it all.
What I am trying to say is, we haven’t evolved at all. In thousands of years, we are still hateful and war mongering, greedy and evil.
I am not exempt. I get pissed off just like the next guy. I get swirled up in the umbrage of the day and I shout out my indignation for the world to hear. I am not exempt. I have not obtained a zen disregard for all outcomes that is needed to be able to get through this world unscathed.
With all this being said, I am fatigued. I refuse to turn on the news today because all I will see is an orange man or a blond woman throwing insults at each other. Or dash cam footage of the most recent shooting.
Even so, I don’t want to be that person that buries their head int he sand. I simply cannot be that person because I have young human beings that I have brought into this world with the understanding that I would do my best to make the world a better place.
But how can I? As a Black mother raising a Black family, how to I lift up my head and lift up my heart and then lift up my children and my community, so we can transcend all this madness?
If we are human beings haven’t learned how to live in peace yet, I have serious doubts that we ever will.
So, I have to learn to move forward despite my fatigue. Despite my lost hope and broken heart. I have to find some good in all the negative that gets thrown at me, and I have to find a way to do without ignoring the truth of this world.
Everyone on this planet has a terminal illness called life. You won’t recover from it, the end is always death. I heard that recently on a show I was watching. And it’s true. We are all terminal. We won’t make it out of here alive.
So why is it so hard for us to make it through this life while maintaining the promise that we have made to the next generation? Why can’t we just work a little harder at being less afraid? At being less angry? At being less willing to pick up a gun and shoot and kill someone?
Is it really that hard?
Today, I can’t even. I have lost all my energy and fight and I just want to lay down let the world pass me by. Does anything I do make a difference or am I just shouting in the wind?
Today i lay down, I am too fatigued to continue this fight right now. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to try to make it better.
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