Troubled Mind

It’s difficult for me to write when I have a troubled mind.

It’s difficult to concentrate on what I want to say, how I want to say it and then get it all out coherently.

I don’t know if I am succeeding, but my daily stats show me that people are reading what I am writing.

And I feel like I am making a difference. People have told me that I am making a difference. So that makes me happy.

In the end, I am writing to help others – find their voice, learn something new, find their self esteem and possibly not have to deal with some of the pain that I have had to deal with.

I feel proud of what I have accomplished so far and feel there is so much more to do.

But I won’t lie.

Writing is art and artists are sensitive.

I am not immune to this curse.

When I see someone call my writing “complaining” and say that I have too much time on my hands and that I need to get a job, I feel a bit defensive.

Number 1 – because writing IS a job. It’s often a thankless and underpaid job. But then most jobs are. It’s a lot of front end work for a dividend at the finish line, there is seldom a constant stream of income and clock punchers either don’t understand that or are jealous. But when I am counting pennies to put gas in the car, I feel this barb intensely.

Which brings me to number 2- why do they care what I do ? Are they jealous? And if so, why? If you wanna be a writer and use your words to influence people, then get off your ass and do it. Otherwise, stop hating on me for chasing my dream.

Number 3- this is MY dream. Not your dream or your life. And last time I checked, you are not forced to read anything I write. If your intention is to get me to shut up…. You failed. Now I am writing about you. It’s one thing you shouldn’t do is piss off the person with the power of the pen in their hands. You just never know what they will write about. It might just be you.

Last and final thought… I have made myself a promise. And I made a New Year’s resolution that I would write my story this year. It is something that God told me to do years ago, but I have been too busy living up to other people’s expectations and helping them pursue their dreams to focus on what I am supposed to do.

And when I am not writing, I am raising my six children and doing a pretty fucking good job of it; volunteering at places that feed the elderly and work with people who are experiencing homelessness.

And on my downtime, my relaxation time, I may get on Facebook. Sorry I’m not productive 24/7 or during hours that you deem appropriate for me to be working . It seems that your downtime is spent stalking me. Try helpings others like I do and maybe you won’t have time to judge my life.

I know you will read this because you are too nosy not to. But in the end, next time you want to take your little micro aggressions out on me… Don’t. Because next time I will use your name and tag you.

Now back to our regularly schedule life story…. Up next “Sports.”

About sjwoods318

Mother of six children - five girls and one boy; wife; community organizer, family chauffeur, philosopher, trans-racial adoptee, Deadhead, person of mixed racial heritage, artist, poet, writer who loves to swim, read, and run around with my family.
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