I have held my tongue about the stolen children out of Oklahoma for a while now. I have voraciously read all the posts and news articles. I didn’t really become interested in the case until this summer when the SCOTUS ruled that Dusten Brown could not be considered as having “continued custody” of his biological daughter, Veronica. They then therefore ruled that the law that was used to place her in his custody, did not apply to him and remanded the case back to South Carolina for reconsideration.
At that point, justice failed. For some reason, The South Carolina Courts immediately terminated Dusten’s parental rights and finalized Veronica’s adoption by the Capobiancos of South Carolina. Now, as someone who is very interested in law, I was confused as to how a very narrow ruling by the Supreme Court could be so broadly interpreted by the SC Supreme Court. It was as if the earlier decision to grant Dusten custody hinged only upon the fact that he could use the ICWA to get his daughter. There was no mention of the shady way in which Veronica was obtained. There was no mention of the fact that her mother essentially sold her and was deemed not credible by SC Courts.
But that’s neither here nor there…. Dusten has decided it is in the best interest of Veronica to allow her to stay where she is. I know in his heart that he believes that she will come back to him one day and I believe that in my heart too. Law cannot stamp out DNA, there’s no two ways around that.
So, we keep Veronica’s voice alive in other ways….. and right now those other ways is fighting for another child stolen from Oklahoma – Desirai SImmons.
In case you don’t know the facts of this case, please visit the Standing our Ground for Desirai Facebook page. Here is a child who was removed from Oklahoma with no ICPC in place. In case you want to know what an ICPC is, it is a law that is supposed to protect out most vulnerable citizens, our children, from being removed from their home state without permission. This is a pretty watered down explanation of the law, but that is the spirit of the law – to protect children.
In this case, the vulnerable child, Desirai, was removed from her home state by Bobby and Diane Bixler, of Irma, SC. This is a couple in their sixties, with four adult children. Two of the Bixlers’ adult children are alleging that this couple was abusive. http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/10/16/adult-son-couple-adopting-deseray-says-they-were-abusive-parents-151775 Desiriai was placed with this couple without all of their adult children being interviewed by the adoption agency. An Oklahoma Court ordered Desirai to be returned to her Native Tribe, the Absentee Shawnee Tribe. Baby Desirai’s father and her maternal grandmother want her returned and have been fighting for her since she was less than one week old. The Bixlers have refused to adhere to the law and have refused to return Desirai. That is the case in a nutshell.
So, as I write this, I say, how? How can we continue to allow this to happen? Where is the protection for this child? Why are these women allowed to sell their children? Why is NO ONE doing anything about this?
I have heard it’s because people love adoption. Ok…..; why not? Done ethically and responsibly, adoption can be a beautiful thing. I sure love my adoptive family, faults and all….. they are my family and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. However, it hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts for a long time. Help me out adoptees, does the pain ever go away, or do we just learn to live with it? Regardless, if I can help keep one child from having to deal with unnecessary pain, then I will.
What is unnecessary pain? Doesn’t everyone, adopted or non-adopted, have problems? Well, one minute, I will tell you what unnecessary pain is. And yes, adoptees don’t corner the market on pain, but we have some pain that is uniquely ours. So here it is…. the unnecessary pain…..
That hallow feeling in your stomach that you feel when someone asks you where your “real” family is.
That stab you feel in your heart when someone tells you that your mother didn’t want you.
The anger you feel that everyone in your class has a family tree to draw and write about but you…. or the one that you can produce is not really yours, but it is “really” yours and your adoptive family tells you can use it.
The rage you feel whenever you hear the qualifier “adopted” child…. or hear people say that you “aren’t really blood”
The defeat you feel when people say “blood is thicker than water” – but your blood wasn’t thick enough to keep you.
Going to the Doctor….. having to answer all the questions with “I don’t know…. I’m adopted”
No being able to an id without hassle……
Wondering who you look like, act like, think like..
Wondering and questioning and wondering until you feel like you will lose your mind.
Mad cuz you have to feel grateful, mad that you feel grateful, ashamed that you feel mad.
Some children cannot be spared this pain. I am one of those children. My mother did not want me. She rejected me twice. So, there was no way around it for me…. but for a child like Desirai, it doesn’t have to happen. It really doesn’t. So why is it?
Why steal a child from their biological family when you can spare them this pain? If you truly loved them, you would hear me.
Why are we letting it happen to her?